I hate the silent treatment. Hate it. I’ve been mad at you for using it. Honestly, up until you answered my letter on your birthday.
Some readers made comments on the following blog about this being emotional abuse, and that got me thinking. That is typically how I feel about the silent treatment too. But I do believe you love me…so that didn’t make sense.
Over the past couple days I haven’t posted much. That is because I have been going back and reading my entire blog, our letters, and our IM’s.
And I wrote to you and asked you to take me out of this dark place. I am sorry. I am lost without you.
What I didn’t say, and should have said is this…. I am embarrassed at my own behavior. I am going to put some blame on my hormones, but overall I was just really acting like a selfish brat who just wanted what she wants.
I know I can be that way, but it was the first time I really saw how ugly it can look and sound.
I am guessing that the reason you didn’t post more on my blog is that you were not wanting to embarrass me in front of my readers? You had every right to. It’s part of why I am posting this on my blog, because my readers have only been hearing my side of this relationship.
And besides that, I was so disrespectful to you. About your sister, about K, and even when I was in the hospital. I was hurt that you weren’t talking to me, but I was out of line being so disrespectful. I don’t know what I was thinking. Other than of myself, as usual from what I saw looking back.
And all this time? It has felt like a month and it hasn’t even been a couple weeks.
I know if we had been together you would have finally worn out my bottom, but since we are not, I am guessing you made the choice because nothing else worked. And because you needed some peace. You even told me that you were exhausted at one point and couldn’t keep having the same conversation with me, and my response was all about me.
That’s tough to read. It’s tough to have to look that girl in the mirror.
I have always thought of myself as a good girl. But I really haven’t been.
I still don’t like the silent treatment. But I have to say that now I get it.
I want to say I’m sorry, but sorry doesn’t begin to cover it. I want to say please forgive me and talk to me again but I feel like I’m again thinking of myself.
I want to say I’ve learned my lesson.
And of course, I love you.
From a very naughty, selfish, spoiled, bratty little girl who really hopes Daddy will give her another chance one day
She promises to really be better.
PS – To my readers: I am not saying this because I want Daddy to take me back. I do. No doubt.
But the reality is, if you read what I read, you would know that my behavior was terrible. When she was bad, she was very, very bad…..terrible. Trust me.